Leaf Club

Last Days

2007-04-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

After watching tonight's embarrassment vs. the Canadiens - a 6-5 win that was in doubt every moment of the game - I find it interesting how relevant my last post, written at the trade deadline, still is.

At that time, I commented that Ferguson would overpay for a veteran in his efforts to make the playoffs.

And as I predicted, he came through. The last piece of the puzzle selected by Ferguson arrived in the form of Yanic Perrault, who exploded for 5 points in 17 games during this stretch run, and averaged just over 9 minutes of ice per game. All this, in exchange for a 2nd round pick, and a decent defensive prospect in Brendan Bell. Chalk this one up as yet another trading failure for John Ferguson. But, what am I saying though, I can’t argue with the results. As long as the Islanders lose tomorrow, then Ferguson did his job. Mission accomplished, then - right?

I also commented that it didn’t matter how many goals the Leafs score, you aren’t going anywhere as long as you let in 5 goals per game. And what’s my enduring memory of tonight’s “classic” matchup between the Leafs and Habs? (I don’t care how many times Bob Cole commented on “what an amazing game” I was watching. It was a sloppy, inconsistent effort by two hockey teams that deserved their placement in the standings. This was the furthest thing from a good hockey game I’ve seen in a long time. Blown leads by both sides and no-shows by various superstars, these were two teams with the wheels flying off the bandwagon. The Leafs won? More like, Montreal lost. They just got lucky that Aubin faced a mere 6 shots after getting his first kick at game action in…oh, I don’t know. A long time ago, before Raycroft set his glorious, totally-legit club record for goaltending wins.)

Yeah, back to my enduring memory of the evening – seeing Raycroft trying not to cry as we cut to commercial. If Belfour had been pulled, he’d be struggling not to leap over the bench and strangle a pencil-neck like Maurice for daring to take him from his crease. Raycroft? Tonight, he looked like the playyard bully took his lunch. Like I mentioned over a month ago, I have no faith in this player. As he has all season, he let down the team tonight with various gaffes – one goal being so egregiously bad, that even Harry Neale was unable to sugarcoat it. An unscreened lob from the circle that left Raycroft staring into his glove – nope, puck’s not in there….

“That – is just a lousy goal!” Neale yelled. “In the NHL, you have to stop those!” You know it, Harry. Raycroft is the worst starting goalie I’ve seen play for the Leafs since Allan Bester. Remember him? He attempted suicide one night. No, really. He jumped in front of a bus! But it went between his legs.

Anyway, none of Raycroft’s kick-in-the-bag tendencies that are so damaging to a teams’ psyche have changed all season, so if he hasn’t found his game by now, he isn’t going to.

But for now, the Leafs are in the playoffs. After all the ups and downs, they pulled it together at just the right moment to pull it off. So long as the Islanders lose.

And if New York wins? Then the Leafs miss the playoffs with 91 points, one fewer than they accumulated last year, when they also missed the playoffs, and hung Quinn out to dry.

Happy Easter.

Deadline Day

2007-02-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

After watching the Leafs lose a wildly-contested contest against an inferior Montreal Canadiens team, I began to get a sinking feeling.

First – the Leafs aren’t good enough to contend this year. In a must-win game in a playoff atmosphere, Toronto didn’t get it done against a floundering team lacking its number-1 goaltender.

Second – I know in my heart that Ferguson is going to live up to the most time-honoured of Leaf traditions: he’s going to overpay for a veteran in a vain attempt to keep the Leafs from missing the playoffs.

I don’t have time for a lengthy post on this just now – but all I need to know about the Leafs’ chances is spend any length of time watching their supposed number-one goalie, Andrew Raycroft.

All season long, I’ve watched him let creampuffs into the net. Almost every time I tune in, it’s just in time to see a spirited Leaf rally killed because Raycroft somehow managed to let an unobstructed wrister from the blueline get past him. I don’t know how many times I was left screaming impotently at the TV set, but he was at it again tonight – he was handcuffed (on his knees – AS USUAL) with what turned out to be the winning goal before Maurice decided he’d had enough and yanked him. Too little, too late – 5-4 Leaf defeat, and that’s been the storyline all season. It doesn’t matter how many puff pieces I read in the Star about how much better Raycroft has been playing, or how much stronger he looks, blah, blah. I have no faith in Raycroft to come up big when it matters most, because he's failed at it, all year. I can see with my own eyes that most of the time, the guy has absolutely no poise at all, and if a game goes by without him letting in another groin-kick of a go-ahead goal, it’s because he got shit lucky with his positioning (Raycroft overplays cross-ice feeds EVERY GAME), or else the opposition managed to hit the post six times instead of the net.

This team is going nowhere as long as Raycroft is the supposed Main Man in net. Gary Roberts? Bill Guerin? Don’t make me laugh.

Tomorrow, Ferguson is probably going to unveil a cornholingly bad offer for a guy like Roberts (I’m thinking a couple of picks and a prospect, just to make sure Ottawa doesn’t get him) and the end result…will be nothing at all. In an effort to keep his job, Ferguson is going to compromise the future of the team for a guy who might contribute 5 goals down the stretch if we’re lucky, and who cannot personally carry the team into the playoffs, no matter how many of those famous protein shakes he drinks.

It doesn’t matter how scary Roberts looks, or how many goals he scores if you let in 5 goals every game.

Happy trade deadline, everybody.

McCabe and the Ragdoll Incident

2007-01-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

While reading an article today in the Sun discussing the toughest players in NHL history, it came to me that it’s been a while since I’ve seen Toronto’s “toughest” defenseman in a fight. Or any Leaf defenseman, now that I think of it.

It used to be a fairly regular occurrence that Bryan McCabe would drop the mitts, with a career-high of 13 fights in the 1997-1998 season. But a quick look at McCabe’s stats on hockeyfights.com revealed that it will soon be the third anniversary (!) of McCabe’s last fight. It’s been almost three years since McCabe last scrapped, after years of going toe-to-toe several times a season. And yeah, that time includes the lockout, but still.

What happened?

If you sit back and think for a second, it's actually very easy to pick out the TSN turning point of McCabe's tough-guy career. On Saturday, January 31, 2004, the Ottawa Senators were visiting the Toronto Maple Leafs, seen live, coast-to-coast, on Hockey Night in Canada. During what turned out to be a fight-filled contest between multiple opponents (remember games like those?) McCabe made the grandly idiotic decision to jab Zdeno Chara in the nuts with his stick. Repeatedly. And then, follow it up with an “intimidating” punch to the face.

Everybody remembers what happened next. Chara hulked-out, grabbing a stunned McCabe by the jersey, spinning the pop-eyed, would-be tough guy in a merry-go-round before throwing him to the ice and delivering a series of full-power punches to McCabe’s face from his knees. The arena was filled with the strange, muted murmurs of a crowd that had just witnessed a complete humiliation of a hometown player. It isn't every day you see a man tossed about in the air like a sack of garbage.

McCabe wasn’t physically hurt from the violation, but the damage was done nonetheless. It was all there to see on the replay, footage that turned an audience of millions into instant mind-readers of Bryan McCabe: “Oh, crap!” A 220-pound hockey player was scared out of his mind.

A month later, McCabe was decisively pummeled by Joe Thornton of all people, in an altercation he did not initiate. From hockeyfights.com: Thornton sees McCabe and goes right after him, shoving him a couple of times and then dropping the gloves. They grab on and Thornton gets the right free and starts throwing landing a couple as McCabe gets loose and lands a few of his own. Thornton then takes control putting McCabe to the ice with a nice right, McCabe gets up only to be put right back down again by another Thornton right.

And, that was that; Zdeno Chara ended McCabe’s fighting career. There’s no doubt about it, in my mind.

McCabe has never started a fight since that night in Toronto three years ago, and had Thornton not chased him around the ice a month later, it’s probable he wouldn't have dropped the gloves with him.

But maybe McCabe actually got lucky in his Chara encounter; a couple of years ago, Chara crushed the face of McCabe teammate Skill Gill, punching Skill’s face so hard, his hand needed stitches to repair the damage. Last year, in the fourth game of the season, Chara squashed the face of Montreal tough guy Raitis Ivanans, and put him on the shelf for the rest of the season.

So McCabe packing in his fighting career was probably for the best. Even his own teammates have no respect for his ability:

TSN's Off the Record: Which teammate thinks he’s a tough player, but really isn’t?

Tie Domi: (instantly) Bryan McCabe.

But - with Toronto’s defense among the worst in the league at holding a lead and preventing goals, is it possible there a relationship between the overall lack of team toughness, and their ability to win games? Is it any coincidence that Toronto’s reputation as a team that did the pushing around began declining after the Chara-McCabe incident? How can it be that Tucker, tiny, 150-pound, firecracker Tucker, is the last vestige of the team that once cowed the Ottawa Senators into submission every time they met?

What about the fact that the heart of Toronto’s defense – McCabe, Kaberle, Kubina, White – are all known as basically soft, puck-moving defensemen?

This Chara guy really seems like a player to have on your team. I wonder why Ottawa felt one of the toughest men in the league, the biggest player who ever played, your automatic shut-down D-man for any troubling situation, who can play an offensive game, was someone who could be replaced. It can’t be a coincidence that Ottawa has struggled defensively this season as well as Toronto.

I also wonder why, when given the choice, Ferguson decided it would be a better idea to overpay the guy Chara emasculated three years ago, instead of landing the big man who took McCabe’s testicles home with him. Chara, who was immediately given the “C” upon his arrival in Boston, and who is playing his routine league-leading minutes for the Bruins.

But maybe this toughness thing is overblown. It's a new NHL, after all. And I heard that fans don't like watching fights anyway.

Holiday ho-ho-hold the posting

2006-12-21T18:23:00.000-08:00

So, I'm out of time for this calendar year. There's just too much going on for me to sit down and write anything worthwhile about the Leafs. I'll be back in the New Year. In the meantime, a few quick thoughts:

1.) I'm tired of seeing Andrew Raycroft let in a bad goal every single game. I've read a lot of stories about how he's had a successful beginning to his Leafs career; I've read nothing addressing the fact that almost every time I've watched him play, he's let in a terrible goal. Like on Saturday night, for instance, against the Rangers. You know the one - the weak, spinning backhand the somehow found its way through Raycroft's five-hole. (Brother-in-law Vanny, after dumping his beer into his crotch: "That was - oh my god! That was the worst goal I think I've ever seen! How did he let that go in?" My sister: "Oh dear, that goalie is awful! I'll get you boys another drink.") It isn't just the bad goals - Raycroft cannot handle the puck at all, and I'm not noticing this just because Belfour was so good at it. Raycroft is unable to reliably stop the puck behind the net, frequently gets flustered when having to pass it to a teammate, and too often has sent it to an opposition player instead, has trouble playing the puck under pressure...he just doesn't look comfy back there at all with his passing game. I think that Leaf defensemen need to try harder to make it back into the zone to relieve the pressure from Raycroft, because he isn't capable of managing that aspect of the game. I have a horrible, creeping feeling that at some critical point this season, Raycroft is going to let down the team in spectacular fashion because of one of those weaknesses.

2.) It took 35 games before Hal "Skill" Gill had a bad game for Toronto, December 19th's implosion against the Panthers - and the boo-birds immediately came out of hibernation to dump all over the guy. It's like they were just waiting for him to mess up to give them their golden chance to take a collective crap on him. And it's true - before the season started, I thought that Gill would be the weakest link in the Leafs' defense, but I'm happy to report that I was wrong about Skill so far, and have in fact been pleasantly surprised with his play. Given how often other defensemen on the team have messed up this year without this kind of attention, I think Gill has earned a mulligan or two from the crowd.

3.) Steen: Time to wake up and do something, already. Prove to us that Ferguson wasn't a moron for keeping you instead of trading you for MVP candidate Chris Pronger.

4.) So the Penguins might be moving, and the word is hockey hotbed Kansas City might have the early line on landing the franchise, if they moved. No mention of Hamilton. What does it take for Canada to get a hockey team back? Will it ever happen under Bettman? I read this morning that Nashville gets $14 million a year under the "Toronto subsidizes the league" sharing plan. I'll bet Winnipeg or Quebec City would still have teams if they were given that kind of cash to boost their budgets. Here's hoping Bettman rings in the New Year with a tall glass of Polonium 210.

5.) Colin Campbell aired the idea of increasing the size of the nets to increase scoring, after noticing goal-scoring is down a little this year compared to last. Typically, Damien Cox agrees with the half-baked scheme, announcing that when a no-nothing like Jarome Iginla dares to suggest it's a bad idea, that it makes him "want to scream."

Here's what makes me want to scream. Reading Damien Cox present an illogical argument that contemplates TOTALLY CHANGING THE GAME, and making it sound like it's a proclamation from the mountain that a simpleton like an all-star hockey player wouldn't understand.

To summarize - Cox thinks bigger nets would be a good thing because goalies have grown larger over the years, and therefore, the integrity of NHL records would be preserved because this change would only restore the balance back to what it was in the days of Max Bentley, back when goalies were midgets, apparently.

He's wrong. Such a change would alter the game forever; if that ever happened, you might as well draw a line through the record book. In the NBA, players are dramatically bigger than they were 40 years ago. Are they going to make the nets bigger? Will baseball switch to aluminum bats to jack up home-run numbers?

Cox includes arrogant language in his contemplation like, "don't tell me" it would be an affront to the records, and "don't even try to argue," and "it's a fact" that Esposito saw more net than Cheechoo. He says all these things with absolutely no backing statistics at all.

It may well be true that goalies are larger these days - but he didn't cite anything proving it. Therefore, his argument is worthless, and sorry Cox, I'll argue all I want to.

Also - let's accept for a second that maybe goaltenders have gotten bigger over the years. What about the skaters? They have too. Why doesn't he propose making the rinks larger? And the advent of carbon-fibre sticks have enabled pluggers like Chad Kilger to own 106 mph slap-shots. Why hasn't that boosted scoring the way an egghead like Cox seems to want? What about the no-tolerance reffing policy - wasn't that supposed to increase scoring, too?

What the - what a stupid gift
that moron Cox gave me!

The top goalies in the game are all regular-sized guys. Hasek is all of 160 pounds, and he's still going strong at age 41, making his case for the Hall of Fame. Belfour, 6-feet, 180. Kiprusoff, Huet, Giguere - all top goalies of average size. Ryan Miller is listed at 166 pounds, for crying out loud. "Goalies are bigger, it's a fact" - really? Even if goalies averaged 6'3" now, and I'll bet money they don't, they aren't 6'3" wide. Where are all these giant, mutant goalies keeping the scoring down and ruining exciting hockey games? I can think of Luongo and Brodeur as above-average. Is this statistically significant?

Also, who says larger goalies automatically keep more shots out? What if a smaller guy is more nimble?

Goalies are more effective today because of many reasons - their equipment is much larger than in the old days, (a look at the tapes proves that without the need for any statistical backup) game preparation is better than it has ever been (credit Roger Neilson for introducing video-work in the back rooms, in addition to a team of advance scouts that could staff the security agency of a small country), systems coaching has improved, and most of all - goalies are just better at what they do. They've improved more over the last 20 years than skaters have, because they had so much more ground to make up. Remember "Red Light Racicot"? Remember Mike Palmateer when he attempted to skate? Any Leaf goalie before 1992? Players like those wouldn't make an AHL roster today.

But most of all, in years gone by, the goalie was a crazy bastard you never talked to, a nutjob who practised his craft off by himself in the corner, because if you were foolish enough to actually speak to him, you'd banish the mojo he'd conjured up from his latest chicken sacrifice and turn him into Allan Bester incarnate. Nobody wanted that, so goalies were the freak of the team who roomed by themselves, hid in toilet stalls before games, and who talked more to themselves than anyone else.

But not anymore. Goalies are indisputably the centre of every team, and some clubs have finally cottoned onto the idea that they should have their own coach to help keep them in top form. To point out how backwards most teams are in that regard, even today, most teams don't carry a coach dedicated to mentoring the goalie, but that's going to change. Toronto has one, Montreal has one, and so do a handful of others. In a few years, all teams will have one. These coaches are dedicated to mentoring the goaltenders, working on all aspects of their play, and therefore, the goalies will get even better. As an example, Ray Emery felt he could use a talent upgrade, so he spent the entire off-season in a dedicated hockey school in order to sharpen up, and you can't argue with the results so far. Spending your summer handling shooting drills was unheard of in the old days. Roberto Luongo was traded by Mike Keenan because he insisted on having his own goalie coach included as a contract clause; I guarantee you Vancouver doesn't mind having that guy on the payroll one bit.

My hunch is that this entire "make the net bigger" plot is yet another initiative cooked up by Bettman and his cronies to make the game appeal more to Americans. And therefore, adapt it at the expense of Canadian sensibilities. Do a survey - fans like scoring chances, not necessarily tons of goals. I never saw a formula on the blackboard that said, "more goals = better game".

And the truth is, nobody knows what would happen to the outcomes of games if the nets were enlarged, so for Cox to thoughtlessly blow off any concern as nothing to worry about - it's the definition of arrogance. Leave the nets alone, you bunch of clowns.

I had more to say tonight than I thought.

Hallelujah, holy shit! - where's the Tylenol.

Losing...is a disease.

2006-12-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

I have avoided commenting on the recent Leaf slump for a few reasons – first of all, since it’s close to Christmas, some of my free time has been wasted shopping for presents and doing the other usual things a person gets roped into at this time of year. Another reason is that I’m generally a lazy person, and sitting down at the computer to analyze Toronto’s futility looked like a boring, painstaking job. It’s way more fun to talk about your team when it’s kicking ass all the way down the rink and back again.

But after their latest loss, making it their sixth in a row, I knew I could avoid it no longer. The team is in trouble, and putting my head in the sand over it isn’t going to make it go away. So get ready to yawn, I went sorting the stats at NHL.com and crunched a few numbers.

A preface: In times like these, the tendency is to try and identify a single culprit, one guy who is generally perceived to be somehow failing the team in a key way, like, “Raycroft is letting in soft goals,” or, “Sundin hasn’t done jack since he came back from injury,” or, “Kubina is a waste of money.” Annoyingly, in today’s Toronto Star, Damien Cox had no problem pointing fingers at a few individual players in this fashion; for instance, apparently Darcy Tucker’s -10 stat is “terrible”, and an important indicator for how he is letting down the team. The thing is, plus-minus numbers are fundamentally related to the overall performance of a team; therefore, in his bungling attempt to put the goat-horns on Tucker, the individual, as a reason the Leafs are struggling, in reality Cox is identifying a team problem.

Because by definition, a team is a collection of multiple personalities contributing to the fortunes of the collective. So that means all Leaf problems are collective action problems, issues that cannot be pinned on a sole non-contributor, particularly with regards to the skaters on a team. At least with goaltending, one specific person is the guy who let in a bad goal, but even then, goalies are usually playing poorly at least in part because they are the victim of defensive breakdowns by the players in front of them.

And like I noticed earlier in the season, a look at the stats this morning for the team reveals extremities in many key areas, both good and bad, and they can only be the result of an aggregate compilation of a team’s contributions. Sorry Damien, you suck.

Offense

Is scoring the problem?

So far this season - not on the powerplay, at least. Before Friday night’s games, Toronto was 7th in the league in powerplay scoring. Looking good so far.

Toronto's ratio of even strength goals to PP goals is 0.89 - 19th in the league, which looks bad initially. This ratio means the majority of Toronto's goals are scored on the power play. Since about 70% of a game is played at even strength, it means for the majority of the time, Toronto’s level of scoring is rates among the worst teams in the league - by ratio.

However, this ratio aside, Toronto is still scoring plenty of goals in absolute terms - they are 10th in goals scored per game overall, at 3.07/G. And (surprisingly, to me) they are actually 9th in the league in 5-5 scoring, an area most people seem to perceive as an important problem, probably because the power play is so dominant by contrast. Any stat that is top-10 league-wide can't rate as a priority to worry about.

The Leafs seem to be trying pretty hard to shoot the puck, since they are 2nd in the league in shots per game with 33.8, on average. With regards to recent performance, over their last ten games, they’ve averaged 32.3 shots per game. So, we're still doing okay in this department.

But in those ten games, Toronto’s record is 29th in the league, at 2-7-1, and in that period, they’ve totaled 24 goals, 2.4 per game, far below their season average.

It gets worse. Toronto has not won a single game this season when trailing after one period (0-6-1), obviously one of the worst marks in the league. They have won only one game when trailing after two (1-9-2).

Continuing now with the period-by-period breakdown – Toronto scores most of its goals early in the game, and scoring trends downward after that point. They are 3rd in the league in 1st period goals, with 33. They are 7th in the league in 2nd period goals, 35. And they are 21st in the league in 3rd period scoring.

Since Toronto scores a lot of goals overall, this means they are crapping out at the end of games - arguably when it matters the most, especially when this stat is compared with the "wins when trailing after..." stat. This has to mean that Toronto stinks at clutch scoring so far this year.

Defense

With a lineup including the league's most expensive defensemen, Toronto is 24th in the league in team goals-against-average, at 3.20 goals per game. Andrew Raycroft is 24th in league GAA at 2.93.

Total goals against – Toronto is 26th in the league in goals allowed, with 96. In 5-on-5 play, Toronto is 28th in the league in goals against, with 62.

No team has allowed more 3rd-period goals than Toronto, with 41. That means, when it matters most to hold a lead - Toronto hasn't.

They are 17th in the league on penalty kill efficiency, at 83.8% (out of the top 16 – which could be thought of as, "the teams that don't make the playoffs.")

They are in the upper half, 13th overall, in shots allowed per game, 29.5, but more significantly, their starting goalie (Raycroft) has seen the 7th-most shots per game overall, with 660. This means that while their overall shots-against average is mediocre, since Raycroft has seen so much rubber, more often than not Toronto is getting blown out in shots against.

Miscellaneous

As I noted earlier in the season, Toronto continues its faceoff prowess, which is rated 4th in the league at 52.4%. And – interestingly, Toronto is also 2nd in the league at faceoffs taken, with 1849. I don’t know if this from Raycroft and Aubin habitually freezing the puck a lot, or Ian White shooting the puck into the crowd five hundred times this season to cause a penalty, or maybe it’s just a random thing, since a team has to place somewhere on the list. At any rate, Toronto has had a lot of faceoffs to deal with, and they are one of the best in the league at winning them, so I can’t help wondering if it’s a deliberate thing.

Toronto has the 3rd-most giveaways in the league, with 381. On the flipside, Toronto seems to redeem themselves a bit in pressuring opponents, because they are 10th in the league in takeaways, with 234.

Lots of shots per game? For sure – but Toronto is also the worst team in the league in missed shots – 426 overall. So while they are getting a lot of rubber on the net – even more doesn’t make it there to begin with.

Toronto has won only one game this season when they scored less than four goals.

Conclusion

To summarize, by the numbers, these are the most important points to take home:

1.) Toronto is a top-10 offensive team in both powerplay results and 5-on-5 scoring. The amount of shots unloaded at the net, whether they miss or not, is indicative of the fundamentally offensive nature of the team, even with recent (crappy) play taken into account.

2.) Toronto is a bottom-third defensive team in the major statistical categories.

3.) Toronto is decisively bad at scoring goals when it matters (when losing, or by period), and they are decisively bad at holding a lead when they need to, blowing more 3rd-period leads than any team in the league. Toronto has proven so far this year to be useless in any clutch situation.

4.) Based on the above, if I were forced to decide, I would say overall defensive play is the biggest problem of the team right now, a disappointing thing when John Ferguson’s greatest off-season priority was to upgrade Toronto’s defense, which he paid for like no other GM in the league decided to do.

All the above indicators are the hallmarks of a team lacking skill, heart, and experience, all things that can be improved upon given enough time.

In the case of the Leafs’ young team, John Ferguson and Paul Maurice have to hope that time heals all.

Retiring Numbers

2006-12-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

At the end of the red carpet stands a man. A spotlight cuts a circle for him in the big dark, a place in the arena all to himself, symbolic of the singular honour to be bestowed upon him. His hair has silvered, and the crows-feet around his eyes will soon outnumber the battle scars he won in glorious confrontation, the reminders that he once sacrificed every measure of himself to become one of the best, and the proof that the time he borrowed from the game lasted longer than for most.

Across his back droops his uniform, not filled now by broad slabs of heroic equipment, but by his narrowing shoulders, his folded surname barely visible amid the billowing fabric. Above him, a standard is cranking to the rafters; a banner, crested with his name and number. It finishes its ascent beside the row of others, the long line of heroes from whom he accepted the torch, the storied past from which he drew his inspiration and strength to carry his teammates to glories of their own. He always understood the great responsibility that was his, and he is proud to have held up his end of the bargain.

For all the blur of days and seasons to come, that number will be his alone; none who will follow will ever be permitted to wear it. Recollections of the digit will come part-and-parcel with the orchestrations he performed for the people in this arena, for the people who mattered most to him.

Always so emotionally contained as a player, his lips quiver, and he widens his eyes in a vain attempt to preserve his manhood, but his feelings betray him at last. Twin streams run from his eyes, cutting a path through his cracking features and twisted roots of ancient stitches to drop to the ice.

The crowd roars its approval.

I always enjoy this spectacle. This season, I’ve seen clips of the various ceremonies, almost too many to recall. McInnis, Savard, Hull – and soon we’ll have footage of Messier, Yzerman, and probably Nieuwendyk crying at centre ice rolling on the highlight shows.

The fact that there have been so many of these is the reason I think the tradition has to end.

Montreal, for instance, has twelve numbers hanging unavailable in the rafters, and they are mostly the small, classic ones associated with the greatest legends who have ever played the game. The best numbers, like 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10. The Boston Bruins have eleven. The Detroit Red Wings and St. Louis Blues, nine. The Blackhawks and Rangers, seven apiece.

In the years to come, players for some of these teams will have only unattractive, anonymous numbers like, “78” or, “82” to choose from, and the limitations will only increase as more banners are hung in the sky. In a game with about a hundred years of history to look back on, these restrictions are growing more significant, and all other, newer teams in the NHL have adopted this tradition themselves.

I believe the only team that is forward-thinking with this issue is the Toronto Maple Leafs. According to club policy, numbers are retired only when the player wearing them has died wearing the uniform, so the team has removed only two from circulation: Bill Barilko’s number 5, and Ace Bailey’s number 6. It’s three if you include Gretzky, whose number was retired league-wide at the behest of Gary Bettman.

When the Leafs desire to recognize a worthy player, his number is “honoured”, and remains in active circulation. Toronto has honoured seven numbers in this fashion in recognition of thirteen players who wore them. It’s a policy that has irked some fans and former players alike, Dave Keon being foremost among them; he will never set foot inside the Air Canada Centre so long as the team refuses to retire his number, and I see that as a good thing. The club rule applies to everyone, no exceptions. If Keon becomes the exception, then the exception becomes the rule; the precedent will have been set, and the floodgates would have to open, and many other numbers would soon join his, removed from active use.

Why is it so awful for Keon that his number remains in circulation? Isn’t it reverential enough to “just” be honoured by his team? The way things are now, the best, classic numbers can still be worn by active players, and as a fan of the history of the team, this seems like a great thing to me. I see the fact that numbers like 1, 7, 9, or any other can be used as a tribute to the club’s history, not as an insult. And besides, there are many years of hockey yet to play, with a young crop of new players arriving every year who will one day merit jersey retirement, if a team follows historical precedent. There will arrive a day when from an operational standpoint, it will not be feasible to retire any more numbers.

But Toronto’s policy of elevated numbers of honour is not above criticism. I believe it is a fundamental disrespect to Ted Kennedy that a rookie with limited potential like Aleksander Suglobov was given permission to wear the number 9. Not as obviously unworthy are Andrew Raycroft (1), Ian White (7), or Matt Stajan (14), but the fact remains that these are all young, unproven players who have yet to build a legacy meritorious enough of wearing numbers that have been honoured for team legends – or in the case of Stajan, a number that should be honoured. Jersey numbers are cherished things, things negotiated for by veteran players and usually chosen for special reasons, and it takes away some of the prestige if anyone at all is allowed to wear them. That isn’t right, and I agree with Keon that this needs to change. At a minimum, club policy should dictate that only deserving, veteran players be granted permission to wear an honoured number. This would respect the tradition of the game, the team, and the contributions of the player who once wore it. I believe it would also enhance the cachet of a special, chosen number for fans and players alike; if this were the new team policy, it would really mean something if a player stepped onto the ice wearing say, number 9, if almost nobody earns the right to use it. It would mean that this is a special player who paid his dues and merits sharing a uniform that has been worn only by the teams best.

And if there is the sense that fans are being denied the enjoyment of a retirement ceremony - well, imagine its replacement, a "Jersey Ceremony": for instance, picture Mario Lemieux waiting on the carpet at centre ice, wearing his number. Out of the tunnel comes Sidney Crosby, chosen by club officials as Lemieux's successor after years of proving his worthiness to the team. After the traditional accolades and speeches are delivered to Lemieux, he passes his sweater to Crosby, who symbolically slips it over his own head, as the crowd explodes in rapture. I get shivers just thinking about it.

And if there is no deserving player for the number, well, then nobody gets to wear it, it’s as simple as that. As the club rule stands now, it is obvious there is little distinction in being honoured at all.

But it’s still better than seeing a lineup card filled with anonymous player numbers more appropriately used on a football field.

Rabbit Punches

2006-11-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

I couldn’t be bothered coming up with a cohesive post tonight, so here are a few random thoughts:

After hearing months of, “why won’t Toronto extend John Ferguson?” it was a surprise to read tonight that the Leafs actually hold a club option on his contract for next season.

I’m not a Ferguson booster, but it’s hard to argue with the results so far this year, so exercising the option should be a no-brainer decision. Maybe The Board is waiting to see if the team's resurgence is a fluke before they start throwing the money around at Ferguson.

I tried watching the Ottawa/New Jersey game tonight, but it was so boring I actually fell asleep during the game. So after I regained consciousness, I flipped to what should have been my first choice all along, Pittsburgh/Buffalo. I got to see Crosby viciously cross-check some guy in the back – I think it was Campbell – and stew in the box while Buffalo potted a powerplay goal. Way to go, Crosby. Later on, I saw him curse at the refs, then at his coach for some reason (“F--- you! No! F--- you!” *drinking Gatorade* “F---ing a-hole!”) , and then he aggressively celebrated in the face of Buffalo fans after he scored two goals that almost put Pittsburgh back in the game. I guess it was a pretty well-rounded outburst of emotion, then. Everyone got an equal helping of profanity. I got the sense he knew the cameras were on him when he was trying to look all scary on the bench, but I just wasn’t sold on his scowl. Buffalo’s retro third uniforms look fantastic – I can’t believe they didn’t elevate these shirts to the status of “main bitch” over the truly terrible “Buffaslugs” they revolted everyone with back in July.

Back to check the Ottawa score, and I saw they lost again, 3-2. Don’t worry though Senator fans, it wasn’t a legit loss – according to A-Channel fluffer Gord Wilson as he petulantly wrapped up the final score, “the real story of the game is the two hit goalposts behind Martin Brodeur.” Shameless. Gordie Wilson, wasn’t that the name of the mayor in Back to the Future? “Mayor, Gordie Wilson – I like the SOUN’ of dat!”

TSN pioneered the in-game interview of players this week, blorting on the air about their innovation to the game. I actually dislike this idea myself. If I’m the coach, the last thing I want is my player preening for the camera during a stop in play. His focus should be on the game – so I’d be tempted to tell Pierre McGuire to jam his microphone and wait until the intermission.

I love TSN’s behind-the-goalie “power play” cam. Great angle – CBC needs to copy it.

Ottawa began last season 19-3. This season, they are in last place in their division so far, and Dominik Hasek is 9-3-1 for Detroit, leading the NHL in goals-against average at 1.73, with 3 shutouts. Hmm. Here's a thought - and, I'm just throwing this out there - but maybe the reason Ottawa blows is because of their goalie or something.

At work today, my buddy Ed was moaning again about his team, the Canadiens. “The Panthers killed us. Mr. Gainey has to do something.” I felt bad for him, so I told him to expect a big game out of Souray this weekend, even though I don't care very much about the Habs.

That seemed to make him feel better, because right after that, this girl he thinks is hot walked by, and old Ed perked right up and decided to tailgate down the hall after her. "I'm really happy with my girlfriend though, seriously," he said as he sneaked out. Note: she was wearing these bizarre pants women have been buying lately – these really thin, somewhat baggy, and flippy-looking things that are cut off at the knee, worn with high boots. They look a lot like something Ronald McDonald would put on in the morning, but that didn’t seem to bother Ed much.

Put away those parade maps...

2006-11-08T16:17:00.000-08:00

It seems like my last post had barely begun cooling on the windowsill before something bad happened to ruin everything. Now, that warm glow of success I was feeling from the Leafs’ recent run of dominance feels more like a freshly-laid cowflop instead.

My buddy Roebuck was immediate in his assessment. “I blame Wardo!” he yelled.

Sundin going down to injury so soon after I bragged about his performance is what Roebuck calls, “pulling a Harry Neale.”

Pulling a Neale is when you make the critical mistake of noting a recent trend of success, only to have it end the moment you mention it. Like when he’s doing the colour work during a game, and he says something like, “Belfour hasn’t allowed a goal in almost 128 minutes of play.” And then, seconds later, that’s when Eddie lets in a routine wrister from the point. It’s uncanny how talented Neale is at ruining a good thing, and Roebuck plugs his ears anytime Neale gets rolling with this kind of analysis.

So yeah, I pulled a Neale. Guilty as charged.

It couldn’t be helped, though. I began following the Leafs again this season, fully prepared to expect and accept a rebuilding season, one in which I would take a playoff spot as a bonus rather than a given. But once this Leafs team began to come together, as always, a playoff spot just didn’t seem good enough anymore.

Before Saturday’s win against Buffalo, for instance, there was no doubt in my mind Toronto would beat the Sabres. On the horn with my brother-in-law Vanny, I predicted an overpowering Leaf victory, fuelled by at least four Toronto goals, going with my gut instinct and the fact that Miller had allowed four goals in each of the previous three games. Vanny predicted a Sabres blowout.

After the game, the phone rang, and it was bewildered Vanny on the other end. “Man. Can you buy me a lottery ticket, or what?”

That idea struck me as so sensible, I actually got two of them for tonight’s 6/49 draw. I was feeling lucky, and that 36 million seemed to be as good as in the pocket. Just like the Leafs’ playoff hopes. (I’m not even going to say anything about the Cup part. But of course, I was thinking it. Oh, the humanity.)

And now, Sundin is gone, at least for a month. Knowing how Toronto reports injuries, that’s probably a best-case scenario. A torn ligament ruined Lindros’ season last year – and I don’t want to think about that right now.

There is no replacing Sundin’s presence in the lineup. This season, for the first time in forever, it seemed like the Big Swede had found another gear, and he was putting out like he never had for Toronto. As of today, his points-per-game rate (1.118) was his best rate of production in years, and his 72 shots so far projected to 347 for a full season, which would be by far a career high. Sundin had decided that he wanted to win, and nothing was going to stop him this time around. And then, his elbow exploded.

However, there are a few positives to take from this. But they are kind of like when you're looking at your car that got T-boned and you're thinking, well, at least those Pizza Pops I put in the trunk are still okay.

For one thing, Sundin will be placed on the Injured Reserve list, and if he misses 10 games, which might be conservative, it amounts to more than a few banana-skins the Leafs can use somewhere else. His cap hit is 6.33 million, so 10 games away from the club is almost $800,000 in freed-up salary Toronto can use to sign a guy like, say, Jason Allison to pick up the slack. I'm kidding.

Kyle Wellwood, a natural centre, had been playing out of position on the wing, so he can be re-inserted down the middle.

And surprisingly, Toronto hasn’t had any trouble scoring goals so far this season, and are currently third in the league in that department with 58. It’s keeping them out that’s been the problem, and blueline veteran Pavel Kubina is back Thursday night – so maybe the differential between improved defense and less offense will amount to little in the standings. Or maybe a pig will fly past my office window instead.

For a player like Alex Steen, who has struggled all year, Sundin’s absence could be his Big Chance to redeem himself with some increased minutes and responsibility. Don’t think for a second he isn’t looking in a mirror right now and saying that to himself. “Stor tillfälle!” That means, “big chance” in Swedish. Steen's Viking ancestors probably went around saying stuff like that all the time, but in those days, their big chances had more to do with conquering some defenceless village women. You know, kind of like how the Ottawa Senators look lately. Like a bunch of women. Time for Steen to explore his roots.

And like I mentioned a couple days ago, Stanley Cups aren’t awarded in November. Maybe the layoff will do Sundin good, and he’ll come back full of beans in December, ready to pick up where he left off.

Right now, this is all I’ve got to go with…which is also probably why, tomorrow morning, I’ll check my 6/49 tickets and head off to the ol’ cubicle instead of ordering that new jet I’ve always wanted. That’s right – I’ve gone dozens and dozens of consecutive 6/49 draws without a win.

Here’s hoping “pulling a Neale” can turn around a negative streak, too.

Pwning the League

2006-11-06T20:16:00.000-08:00

And suddenly, with a 4-1 win over Philadelphia (is it just me, or do the Leafs seem to play every night?), Toronto has won 4 out of its last 5, good for 21 points, second in their division, and 4th in their conference.

58 goals, behind only Buffalo’s 63 which leads the league.

Dominating wins over Montreal, Buffalo, Philly. Decisive wins.

Raycroft, one of the NHL’s three stars this week. “It’s cool,” he shrugged, flexing manfully for the cameras in the hours before yet another heroic performance. “But it doesn’t mean anything.”

No, not really. Not in the grand scheme of things. Stanley Cups aren’t awarded in November.

And - it’s worth noting too, that Toronto has played the most games in the league so far, 17. Perhaps if all the other teams had played as many, their standing wouldn’t look so impressive.

Ottawa for instance, is goofing around in the Eastern Conference basement, only 3 points ahead of Philly for second-last place, but they've only played 12 games. However – late box score check – they lost again tonight, this time to Washington, having blown the lead in yet another close game. To elevate the level of Ottawa’s humiliation, Ovechkin reportedly made numerous, “in the bag” motions as he left the ice. No, not really. But can't you imagine it?

I expected a lot of things to begin this NHL season, but Leaf domination wasn’t one of them, and I'm glad for the surprise. I didn't expect such disorganized, dispirited, and second-rate Senator efforts either, which are hard for me to miss right now. “Why did we keep Alfredsson instead of Havlat?” a buddy screamed at work, as he ripped posey Ottawa Sun snapshots of Jason Spezza from the walls of his cubicle. “We're ruined! Trade him now!” Yeah, I’m sure that’s all they need.

So what’s up with the Leafs?

"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!"

Why are they scoring so much, for instance? Nobody predicted this. If anything, the big question was, “who is going to score after Kaberle and McCabe?” Tucker is playing like a no-foolin’ 50-goal man. O’Neill has been magically restored to his pre-dead brother edge. Sundin – as always, magnificent. Even a plug like Bates Battaglia is contributing. Imagine that – goals from a 4th-liner. White and Gill have filled in marvelously as the second pairing, and Kubina’s imminent return should boost the defense even more. Belak has actually gotten into the act too, by not ruining any games or anything lately.

“This is no accident,” gloated my uncle Chuckles. “The kingpins of the Leafs this season are quality young players from the Belleville Bulls system, or just Belleville natives like yours truly. The Rayzor. Wellwood. Stajan. Take away those Ottawa games, and those kids are powering one of the best teams in hockey.”

Maybe. I don’t really have an answer. But I don't care right now. I’m just going to enjoy it while it lasts, because I’ve been here before, and I’ve seen it all amount to nothing in April.

No real Leaf fan hasn’t.

Leafs Interim Report

2006-10-31T17:05:00.000-08:00

After ten games or so of an NHL season, it’s possible to sit back for a second to see what you’ve got in a hockey team. This, as opposed to say, gloating about an early, crushing victory over an arrogant rival, ("6-0, baby! Where's my map to the parade route?"), or prematurely losing your lunch after watching a blowout loss ("The defense is horrible! I hate Chris Neil! Trade everybody!") during the tenth game, for instance.

Or - the eleventh game, actually. Hmm. When is the NHL going to change up this unbalanced schedule?

Anyway, Toronto has played thirteen games so far, so I was taking the stats a little more seriously in today’s paper. You can’t say, “it’s early” anymore.

I was scanning the boxscores with an eagle eye when my buddy Ed came in. He’s a Montreal fan, and in my Ottawa-area office, that almost makes him an ally. Almost. At least he didn’t jump into my office and yell, “Leafs suck!” after Toronto’s recent visit to Scotiabank Place.

“Whatcha doin’?” he says, munching on a large cookie. “Guess what? Kelby hugged me for my birthday! She’s wearing a neon-green thong. I saw it poking out of her pants when I got my hug. Life is good.”

“Wonderful. Shut up. I’m checking out Toronto’s stats. So far, they’ve scored 42 goals. Third in the league,” I say.

“Gee. That’s good!”

“But they’ve allowed 46. Second-worst in the league.”

“Oh. That’s bad.”

“They’re averaging 36.1 shots per game. First in the league.”

“That’s good!”

“But Andrew Raycroft is twenty-fifth in the league in goals-against.”

“Hum. Bad.”

“Yeah. But Toronto leads the league in face-off percentage. 54%.”

“That’s good!”

“Wade Belak is now a fixture on Toronto’s defense.”

“…”

“That’s bad.”

“Can we go for break now?” Ed whined.

The one thing you can say about the Leafs so far is that they have been a study in contrasts. A win followed by a loss, all season long until they finally won two in a row against Columbus Monday night. Great on scoring, lousy on letting them in. Killers on the faceoff, but the most shootout losses so far in the league. At a 6-4-3 record so far, it’s like having one foot in a pail of boiling water, and the other in ice water, and saying you feel sort of warm. This is a bizarre team to watch, and there are only two things I’m sure of when I settle in with my remote control and bag of Cheetos: nobody knows which team is going to show up to play - the overmatched kids, or the 50-shot barnstormers. That, and – Wade Belak has the most embarrassing fighting style in the league. He needs to watch what Derek “The Boogeyman” Boogaard did to Todd Fedoruk last week.

Other contrasts in the team are just as apparent:

The Good

1.) Darcy Tucker has been carrying this team since the first game. 15 points, 9 goals – he’s actually on pace for 50 this year. No, I don’t believe that will happen. But you can’t ask for more out of the pint-sized winger whose heart was always greater than his talent – until this year. Here’s hoping he pots 50, and then Ferguson can give him 8 million dollars a season on a 6-year contract. Yeah, scratch that.

2.) Mats Sundin. As usual, the underappreciated Big Swede is always there, producing at his customary point-per-game pace, and his game-winning, hat-trick-completing, 500th goal in overtime to reclaim sole possession of the NHL’s “most overtime goals scored” record was the cherry on his season, even if he does nothing else this year. If he was from Kingston, there would already be a statue of him in front of the Air Canada Centre.

3.) Paul Maurice was the most important addition to the team this summer. He has installed a more aggressive forechecking game plan with an emphasis on hustle, and never hesitates to bench a player when he’s not putting out. He’s doing the best he can with an inexperienced defense, and has generally freshened up the Leaf team after seven years of Pat Quinn farting up the place. No, Quinn wasn't that bad. But the team needed a change, and it's been effected for the better.

Honourable Mention

Mike Peca has done everything as advertised. Sure, he’s on pace for about 9 goals, but he kills penalties, is always in position, is a faceoff ace, hits, draws penalties, and showing the kids how it’s done.

The Bad

1.) Bryan McCabe is doing nothing to earn a penny of his giant contract. He has 9 points, but he’s getting Hall-of-Fame money to be the cornerstone of the Leaf defense, so that isn't good enough. I’d say he’s on the verge of getting Larry Murphied out of town, but since he has a no-movement clause in his contract, he’ll be Murphied in Toronto for the next five years unless he gets himself in gear. ("Boo-yeah! He'll be Murphied-all-year! Uhnn! Uhnn!" Ed yells, punching the air.)

2.) Alex Steen is stinking up the joint. 3 points, and invisible on most nights, he has done squat to build on his excellent 2005-2006 rookie season. The team needs him to step it up.

3.) Aleksander Suglobov hasn't shown a thing to merit a roster spot. It’s true Ferguson was able to obtain him as a warm body in exchange for the essentially worthless Ken Klee, but the kid cannot be relied on to take a shift without giving the puck away. He holds down the bench on most nights, and should probably be in the minors instead.

Honourable Mention

Tomas Kaberle, before his hat-trick in Montreal, had been overmatched every game this season. He’s broken out of the doghouse, but he also needs to man up to the contract Ferguson gave him.

The Very Ugly

Wade Belak cannot play any position, consistently takes penalties which cost the team, and worst of all, turtles when he “fights” opposition goons. Don’t you have to look at a guy at least once if you want to punch him? Incredibly, Ferguson extended his contract to 2007-2008. Lord knows why – guys like him are available anytime, free of charge, on the waiver wire. Why paint yourself into a corner by committing to him?

The Verdict

It’s true I said it’s no longer that early in the season. But the team still has lots of time to establish itself and put a string of wins together. However, if Maurice is forced to employ inexperienced and/or crappy players on forward and defense for most of the season, there isn’t a lot of reason to expect anything other than we’ve seen so far: an inconsistent, rebuilding team stocked with younger, inexperienced players at key positions.

“Toronto should have gotten Mike Johnson from the Coyotes,” Ed brags. “Mr. Gainey got him for only a fourth-round pick, and he’s tearing it up. Why didn’t Ferguson get him?”

“The target was defense,” I say. “Ferguson addressed the greatest weakness first.”

“Ferguson wasted all his money on a defenseman who’s been hurt all season so far. Now he’s stuck.”

“Samsonov asked for a trade after nine games.”

“Raycroft can’t stop a beach-ball. Montreal has two bona-fide starters, and managed to unload that headcase Theodore and his fat contract at the same time. Praise Gainey, amen.”

I take back what I said about Montreal fans being allies.

Pilar really is MIA

2006-10-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

When I wrote recently about the fact that Karel Pilar seems to have slipped off the face of the Earth, I assumed Leaf management knew what his status was, and had simply decided not to tell anyone. But, I was wrong - Toronto really doesn't know what happened to the guy. Not only has he not made an appearance in Toronto this year, but he hasn't played for his Czech Republic club team, either:

"We have no idea why, whether it's for health reasons or not," assistant general manager Mike Penny said.

It can't be good if Toronto has no idea what Pilar is up to these days. If it wasn't before, then it's certain now that any hopes of him returning to Toronto to bolster the defense are nothing but pipe dreams.

Gunshy of the Shootout

2006-10-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

It was 6-6, Leafs-Devils, and on the television, another fruitless scoring chance was dissolving in the dying moments of the game. My brother-in-law Vanny began to squirm around in his seat.

“Oh, right there! Skate, you retard!” he screamed at the TV set.

The horn blew, signaling the end of the overtime period, and the cameras panned over the coaches, who were sucking on their pens, frowning intelligently at their shootout lists. Hmm, who to pick. How hard can this be? You just list your three best guys, and say, go get ‘em champ.

“Frigg. Not another shootout. I hate this rule. We’re toast for sure,” Vanny moaned, hiding his face.

“Toronto took out Florida the other night in a shootout,” I said.

“Yeah, but that was just Florida. They’re useless. Montreal beat us the game before that. I can’t believe this, three straight shootouts.”

I was trying to stay positive, but I saw it the same way. I’ve been conditioned to hate shootouts by a humiliating Olympic loss (“What the - Crawford picked Ray Bourque over Wayne Gretzky?! On a shootout, he picked a defenseman over the greatest scorer who ever lived?!), a conservative hockey media, (“Shootouts will ruin the game!”), and the Leafs’ own ineptitude at them last year. In 2005-2006, Toronto finished 3-7 in games decided by shootout. You’re thinking, well, that’s not so horrible. It wasn’t the worst in the league, after all, and a lot of teams had trouble with it. Except - Toronto scored a total of FOUR goals in those shootouts. Dead last in the league.

A brief reminder: Picture this in your mind. A goalie stretching in the crease for the shootout attempt, and then remember what Jason “Rocket” Allison looked like when he struggled to “deke” any goalie last season.

Jason Allison.
The fastest
beard-grower
who ever lived.

“It’s like this,” Vanny complained, gathering steam. “We stunk at the shootout last year. We had guys like Sundin, Allison, Lindros, taking our shots. This year, Toronto faces division rivals eight times each. So, Ottawa: Heatley, Alfredsson, Spezza. Buffalo: Briere. Afinogenov. Drury. Those guys skate like ninety. Who else? Montreal? Built for the shootout, man. Kovalev. Samsonov. Higgins, Ryder. We’ve got Sundin, and that’s it. Tucker and a few other guys have okay shots, but they don’t scare anybody. We need guys with moves. Or else we’ll get creamed all year.”

I thought about Alexei Kovalev, remembering a shootout I saw last season. The crowd, hushed. Kovalev, skating vacantly to the crease, so slick and sure and confident, so unlike the enthusiastic, chugging Canadian skating style I’m accustomed to. A Soviet Hockey Terminator, built in a Siberian lab, who froze the goaltender with deadly Commie Vision before he robotically bullwhipped a wrist-shot into the top shelf, the puck dropping like a turd beneath the terrified goalie. Game over.

I shuddered. Vanny was right, Toronto has nobody like that. Just Sundin. Sundin, and a team of anonymous guys who might pull off a lucky backhand once or twice, but for the most part, can’t stickhandle their way out of a paper bag.

How long is it going to be before teams begin to carry a shootout specialist on their rosters? It sounds ridiculous. But in all seriousness, Toronto should attempt to get ahead of the curve for once and find a guy like that. I don’t care how good he is in any other facet of the game – premium shootout capability comes first, and if they can play a little on the fourth line, fine, take that as a bonus. Goons have been taking up roster spots for generations – what’s the difference? There are probably dozens of tricky guys who have a pocketful of moves, guys who spent their entire development working on shifty plays they’d never use in a live game because they ignored the fundamentals. Guys who have “no hockey sense” or who “can’t play without the puck.” How many times have we heard that about some guy who can dangle the puck for about five eye-popping seconds a game, but does nothing else? Guys who only practiced the hotdog moves and breakaway attempts, because they are the glory plays, the kind that win imaginary Stanley Cups on backyard ponds. How different would it be to keep a player like this around instead of a fighter? Who brings more to the team?

Last season, the Dallas Stars led the league with twelve shootout wins and one loss. Those twelve extra points elevated Dallas into 2nd place in their conference - without them, they would have only scraped into the playoffs.

Also, Dallas scored twenty-four shootout goals, with ten of them - a monstrous forty-two percent - potted by Jussi Jokinen, which happened to lead the league in this category. All by himself, he scored 2.5 times the number of goals Toronto managed as a team last year. Talk about holding pocket aces. It’s possible to argue Jokinen was personally responsible for ensuring the Stars’ playoff seeding last season. How many other skaters can be pointed to as a direct contributor to a teams' position in the standings?

It’s a new game now, and fighting is disappearing around the league. I never thought I’d see the day, but some teams don’t even carry a designated enforcer anymore (and - it’s debatable that Belak actually fills this role for Toronto). Special teams, systems, and shootouts are what matter the most now to team success. With the salary cap enforcing an increasingly evident level of parity across the league, the shootout will become less of a gimmicky show-stopper, and more of a critical game aspect that can make or break a season. Instead of playing for the win, it’s possible that a team like Dallas might even attempt to engineer a shootout, knowing that they had a 92% success rate at them the year before. If you’re the Dallas coach, and it’s the overtime frame, you tell me what you’re going to do.

Toronto missed the playoffs in 2005-2006 by two lousy points. Edmonton squeaked in, and came within one game of taking home the Cup, injured goalie and all.

So I ask again – what kind of player would be more important to a hockey team?

“…Ponikarovsky with the backhand – misses wide,” said Joe Bowen on the TV.

“Yargh. My Little Poni,” Vanny griped. Leafs lose: 7-6, in the shootout.

Who will become Toronto’s shootout gunslinger?

[Edit: I don't believe it! Seconds after I post this, I read that somebody already wrote about this today!]

Where is Karel Pilar?

2006-10-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

It didn’t take long for Pavel Kubina’s absence to register an effect on the defense of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

One game after Kubina was knocked out of the lineup with a strained MCL, Paul Maurice was forced to pencil in Wade Belak and Jay Harrison as his third pairing for last night’s embarrassment against the Devils, a roster change that frightens nobody except Leaf fans.

Unfortunately, Maurice had no choice. If you believe Leaf management, Kubina will be gone for a month. Andy Wozniewski is out indefinitely as he recovers from surgery to repair a separated shoulder. Staffan Kronwall is day-to-day with a sprained ankle, Brendan Bell has been day–to-day with a fractured ankle, and Carlo Colaiacovo is – well, no time frame for his return has been contemplated as he recovers from a concussion he sustained ten months ago. His latest setback is listed as “headaches”, but no player is helped off the ice after one game of training camp in need of a little Ibuprofen. He won’t be saving the day anytime soon.

The sad part is, other than Kubina, none of the above players are anything more than depth players on any other team, and Toronto is relying on them to be pillars of their defense core.

So last night, that left the Leafs with Belak and Harrison to bring up the rear, and Maurice was suffering from no delusions that these guys can play a regular shift. Against the Devils, they skated for 7:26 and 8:14 of ice-time, respectively.

This created a ripple-down effect in the lineup, forcing Maurice to overuse Kaberle (29:48), McCabe (32:51), Gill (26:17) and White (24:56).

Should anyone be surprised that these four exhibited noticeable fatigue by the end of the game, resulting in key miscues that enabled the Devils to turn a 6-3 deficit into a 7-6(SO) win?

With a lineup like this, the only place the Toronto Maple Leafs are headed is to the podium to make the first overall selection in next year’s amateur draft. And after all the upgrades this off-season, it’s back to the same old tune in Toronto: the team needs defensemen.

But – forget the rumour of bringing Brian Leetch back to town, or of obtaining anybody else who would either a.) want too much money to sign, or b.) cost the team talent in a trade.

What about Karel Pilar?

Pilar last played for Toronto during the 2003-2004 season, when he scored 2 goals and 19 points in 50 games. After that, he was sidelined not once, but twice with a freak heart virus. Given the recent spate of career-threatening heart trouble in the NHL (Jiri Fischer, Mario Lemieux, Steve Konowalchuk, Greg Johnson), it’s understandable that the Leafs might be hesitant to bring Pilar back.

But in the most recent reporting I could find on Pilar were John Ferguson’s comments in the Toronto Star, April 27, 2006:

“Leafs' general manager John Ferguson said his expectation is that Pilar, who remains a restricted free agent, will be signed and at camp in the fall.

"In due course, we'll get him over here, make sure he is fit and ready to play and go from there," said the GM. "Obviously he is playing. He's recovered and the reports have been good."

So Ferguson believed Pilar was healthy. And Pilar had to believe that he was, because…

“...the 28-year-old signed with HC Sparta Prague in mid-February and helped the team wrap up the league championship in the Czech Republic this week (April, 2006). In 14 playoff games for Sparta, Pilar had three goals and three assists and was a plus-6. His North American agent Mark Stowe said Pilar's health concerns are no longer an issue.”

And finally, Pilar indicated at the time of this article that he wanted to return to Toronto.

"He wants to come back (to the Leafs) if he can work out a deal," said Stowe. "He's always said the people in the Toronto organization treated him right." Stowe said Pilar declined an opportunity to play for the Czechs at the upcoming world championship at Riga, Latvia, "just to make sure he's ready for next year."

So – health, check. Desire to play in Toronto, check. Toronto has publicly indicated interest, check. Pilar’s level of play? His work with HC Sparta last spring proved he can still put up the numbers, and at age 28, he’s far from finished as a player - unlike a guy like Leetch might be, for instance. And besides, the last time Belak scored a goal – the NHL regular Pilar would be replacing in the lineup – was three years ago. No, Pilar can play, and would be an upgrade. He’s got some size (6’3”, 207), and is known as a strong skater with a hard shot.

Look how confident I am.
Sign me, and I will bring
you the Cup.

What about money? In the summer of 2005, Toronto extended a qualifying offer to Pilar of $550,000, which was turned down because Pilar wanted a guaranteed one-way contract. Negotiations never really got off the ground after that, since shortly afterward, Pilar had a relapse of heart troubles that kept him off the ice past the December 1, 2005 deadline for signing restricted free agents.

But since Ferguson gave one-way contracts to career minor-leaguers like John Pohl or Erik Westrum this summer, why should this be an issue at all? Pilar has proven to be capable at the NHL level, and besides, the reasoning behind signing him would be to play on the Leafs anyway. Westrum is currently earning $450,000 to play for the AHL Marlies, and it won’t be long before Mikael Tellqvist joins him. The Leafs are no strangers to paying NHL salaries to players in the minors, if needs be.

Even if Kubina were healthy and in the lineup, a $550,000 contract is affordable to the Leafs. Assuming Pilar signs for a one-way agreement tomorrow, the "cap buffer" they've budgeted for later roster additions gives the Leafs enough room, with some walking-around money left over.

And besides, the Leafs wouldn't need to be concerned with their budgeted cap cushion at all, really - once Kubina is placed on the Injured Reserve list (and he will be), his $5,000,000 salary won’t count against the salary cap limit for the time that he is off the active roster, which roughly amounts $60,975 per game.

So let’s say Pilar is inked for $550,000. The Leafs would be facing the same cap hit as they originally planned for, so long as Kubina misses at least 10 games (10 x $60,975 = $609,750), which seems probable at this point.

Where’s the downside in bringing over Pilar? He'd be a cheap signing, the Leafs wouldn't have to trade any prospects to add him to the lineup, and he'd be an upgrade in talent. He couldn't be any worse than Belak. Is there is more to the story we don’t know about?

But maybe this entire plan can be scrapped after all. The Star is reporting today that the only thing holding Brendan Bell back from returning to the lineup is medical approval from those pesky doctors. “I feel really good...I’m champing at the bit,” he told the breathless media. Brendan Bell, he of the one career NHL game.

But I shouldn’t complain. Even with Bell’s lone game of experience, he’s still the owner of the 9th position on Toronto’s depth chart – right above Wade Belak.

Trash day comes early for Strachan

2006-09-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

I was looking forward to full season of Al Strachan putting his foot in his mouth, so I could pull apart his "contributions" about the Leafs for my amusement.

He got off to a good start - only three days into camp, when Mats Sundin avoided speaking with reporters, Strachan was quick off the draw to conclude Sundin doesn't want to be the captain anymore:

"Does Sundin want to be in that role?...If Sundin is not sure he wants to be captain, this is the perfect time to step down."

Moreover, Strachan hinted that Ferguson might not want Sundin leading the team, either:

"Does Ferguson want Mats Sundin in that role?"

Based on what? As usual - nothing. Sundin might have had a dental appointment that day for all we know. And if I had seen Strachan leering at me outside the dressing room, pawing for his preciousss, I might have headed for the hills, too. And nobody knows what Ferguson thinks about the weather, never mind his thoughts on the future captaincy of the Leafs. The article reeks of crass calculation to sell newspapers.

For too long, this kind of analysis has characterized anything Strachan has writted for the Toronto Sun. If Sundin wants to quit - he will. With class, grace, and dignity, he's worn the "C" for a decade, and nobody's held a gun to his head to do it either. Who knows, maybe Sundin really is considering passing along the "C", but don't substantiate your article with unnamed dressing-room sources testifying to Sundin's inability to lead the team. "He did this, he didn't do that." It's pathetic. It's grade-school rumourmongering. Not sportswriting in Canada's biggest media market.

So it is with no surprise I read this quote today from the Globe and Mail - not only did Strachan lose his Hockey Night Gig, but The Sun has decided not to extend his contract (credit Mirtle for the link):

"Strachan has been told that his contract at the Toronto Sun will not be renewed. He will be finished on Dec. 31 and says he's planning to retire. Strachan has been a sportswriter, mostly in hockey, for 33 years. He started at the Montreal Gazette in 1973, joined The Globe and Mail in 1980 and moved to the Sun in 1994. He was also the host of a radio show in Montreal in the 1970s and was a regular on the Hockey Night in Canada Satellite Hot Stove panel until last season, when he was replaced with Pierre LeBrun of The Canadian Press."

It's sad, head-punching news, everybody. (No, not really.)

On the upside, I won't have to open the paper to archive the latest thing he said for future reference. The original purpose of Leaf Club was to catch journalists with their hand in the cookie jar, so to speak, and tracking Strachan would be a full-time job.

Belinda knocks out Domi?

2006-09-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Tie Domi isn't finished scoring in Toronto after all.

CTV reports that Domi has been spotted in the company of MP Belinda Stronach:

"We've been friends for a long time," Stronach said. "He's a good tough guy."

Way to go, Tie. Belinda is few notches above the druken party girls you're accustomed to:

Exclusive: Andrew Raycroft Scouting Report

2006-08-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

At a family barbeque this weekend, I was enjoying the finest hotdogs money can buy, when one of my uncles name-dropped again.

See, Andrew Raycroft is from Belleville. And since he’s the city’s only resident NHL hockey player, that makes him the most famous guy in town.

And my uncles, Chuckles and Murph, live next door to the Raycroft family, where Andrew has been staying all summer. Naturally, that means I get an update anytime the Leafs’ newest goalie takes out the trash.

“Yeah, I saw Andrew again the other day,” Chuckles yawned, the languorous action of a man accustomed to meeting NHL players on a routine basis. “He’s looking good.”

Murph, flopped beside Chuckles in his Adirondack chair, nodded sagely. “He’s a great kid,” he added through bites of hamburger. Meef-meef, morf. “It’s great when your eight-year-old can take shots on former Calder winner. Andrew even showed us his trophy,” he bragged.

Chuckles got down to brass tacks. “Andrew though, he’s been working out this summer in his backyard, just like Rocky Balboa and his side of beef,” he said.

“Balboa,” echoed Murph. “Takin’ shots.”

“I talked to him. He looks just like a kid, you know. Without his gear on, he looks like a kid – anyway, I asked him how it was going, with his training and everything. And Andrew, he was dead serious. ‘I want Ottawa’, he said. He looked right at me, and said, ‘I want Ottawa.’ He looked like the Terminator or something. Watch out for Raycroft this year.” Chuckles lectured.

“He’s going to get the start,” Murph said.

“That’s right. Opening night, against Ottawa. Andrew wants it. I know it, I asked him. ‘Are you going to be ready?’ And he looked me right in the eye and said, ‘Oh yeah, I am.’ He wants Ottawa bad,” said Chuckles. "He's ready. Gerber is going to be pooping in his diapers, you'll see."

“This year is going to be different,” said Murph, throwing his beer can into the weeds. “Chuckles and I watched Andrew develop, when he played for Kingston. A goalie hadn't been the MVP in the CHL in 50 years, and then Andrew did it. He’s excelled at every level he’s ever played at. He’s a winner and always has been,” he burped.

“ ‘I want Ottawa’,” Chuckles marveled. “Hey, are there any hotdogs left?”

Who is Hal Gill?

2006-08-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

When I saw the announcement on TSN’s website last month, I did a double-take. The Leafs have signed – Gill? What the…?

But no, Todd “the Thrill” Gill hadn’t returned from the grave to sign a contract with the Leafs. Thankfully, the days of relying on The Thrill as a pillar on the blueline are long gone, although it’s possible Hal isn’t much of an upgrade over Todd. My message-board rummagings have uncovered few testimonials supporting his acquisition. Hal Gill was a regular target of boo-birds during his time in Boston, and online comments I’ve read can be summarized as, “I can’t believe Toronto signed that pylon.”

(Although, according to Gill, plenty of other teams had interest in signing him as well - take that for what it's worth. Credit Toronto Truthiness for the link.)

His numbers are ordinary. Last season: one goal, ten points, 124 penalty minutes. These numbers are acceptable if he’s the hardnosed shutdown defenseman the Leafs have been lacking, but he isn’t. His penalty totals include 52 minor penalties, by far a career high. This is probably due to his attempts to overcome his total lack of footspeed in the new NHL. Every online scouting report I can find notes his tortoise-like fleetness, and even Paul Maurice remarked on Leaf Lunch that, “Hal Gill is too slow to deliver the big hit.”

Oh well, you’re thinking. He’s got to be tough, at least. Six foot seven, about two-hundred and fifty pounds, he’s one of the biggest men in the league – he’ll fill the void Domi left behind, right? This guy must fight like an enraged gorilla! Well, think again. He was involved in only four fights last season, actually throwing a punch in only three of them, and winning just one. And then there’s this:

Hal Gill: Owned

Hal Gill sent Zdeno Chara off the ice for medical treatment after this fight. Too bad it was because Chara hurt his hand while converting Gill’s face into hamburger.

So, Gill carries a reputation of being a soft big man, doesn’t score much, takes a lot of penalties, and his own coach labeled him “too slow,” while simultaneously identifying him as Toronto’s likely third-pairing defenseman. For the next three years, at $2.1 million per season.

Maybe I'm being too hard on him. Gill looks about average in his skillset, so maybe I should cut him some slack, especially since he has yet to suit up in a Leaf uniform. Still, he's getting paid above-average money from Toronto, so it's hard not to demand more from him. But who knows, maybe under Paul Maurice, he'll be able to adapt his game and flourish under a new defensive system and exceed all expectations.

It disappoints me a little that Alexi Ponikarovsky already wears the Thrill’s old sweater number, because I can’t imagine anyone else on the team I’d rather see wearing it than -- dare I say it before Bob Cole does? -- Big Hal Gill.

Get used to it, Hal. Welcome to Toronto.

The Dog Days of Summer...

2006-08-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

You know what? It’s hard writing a hockey blog in August. Maybe it’s because it was 38 degrees outside when I started this post. Maybe it’s the fact that I can’t get signed up for my Friday pick-up game this fall because the guy that runs it is on vacation. Maybe it’s that the last major news out of the Leaf mothership was the Wade Belak signing. (See Wardo’s excellent comments on that subject.)
Still, I feel like I have to contribute. Wardo’s post production probably outpaces mine by about a thousand to one by now, so I’d better write something.

That’s why I’m going old school and recounting my favourite Leaf memory: The '93 playoff win over Detroit. After that I’m going to re-enact the movie Old School by streaking through the quad. It’s okay, everybody’s doing it…

That whole season was a roller coaster. Fletcher had hired Pat Burns as head coach, and picked up Fuhr. He also fleeced Calgary of Gilmour, Dave Ellett, Jamie Macon etc., for Leeman and a bunch of spare parts. To this day this stands as the most lopsided trade I can remember. (Not to mention the first one I can recall that actually worked out in our favour). I can only imagine the incriminating pictures of Flames GM Doug Risebrough that factored into that deal. We should run some sort of Photoshop contest. Incidentally, if you know any Calgary fans, make sure you recount the story of this trade to them often. They never get tired of hearing about it.

Cliff Fletcher: Leaf Nation Saviour

Back then, the Wings were the only real Leafs rival we had, and my buddy Matt is a huge Detroit fan, so we had our own microcosm of the whole Wings/Leafs rivalry at every game. Detroit had Yzerman, Federov, Coffey, and a young Lidstrom in '92/'93. The Leafs were two years removed from essentially being an expansion team, so Matt felt pretty confident. For my part, I had zero expectations, even if the Leafs did have 99 points that season. Call it conditioning. A lifetime of Ballard had pretty much crushed all of my hopes that the Leafs might ever succeed at anything. The series just kept going though, and the Leafs kept winning. It was unreal. Borshevsky’s overtime goal to win game seven was without a doubt the greatest Leafs-related moment of my life.

Ironically, whenever Jay and I play Sega Hockey '93 though, we always turn line changes off and swap Borshevsky for Wendel, so the diminutive Russian never gets to play. History may support Nik's playoff prowess, but in Sega hockey a sneeze will knock him off the puck. On the other hand, Wendel’s just awesome. He’s not Roenick, but he is the best video game Leaf of his era.

Thinking about my reaction to that goal, I wonder what I would do if the Leafs actually do win the cup. I saw the footage this spring of Edmonton fans after they took out the Sharks. Their cup wins aren't that far removed. What would Toronto be like in that situation? Would people laugh? cry? riot? hold hands and sing like the Grinch just stole Christmas? I can't even picture it.

Too bad it'll be another 10 months before we even get a chance to find out. Of course as Leaf fans, we're pretty much used to that sad fact.

AN UNRELATED TANGENT...

Since we're on the subject, here's a quick Matt story. Matt calls me up one day and tells me about these two guys he works with. "It's the most disfunctional workplace ever. These two guys fight constantly. One day I walk in and they're yelling at each other. The one guy shouts: IF I HAD TELEKENETIC POWERS I WOULD MAKE YOUR HEAD EXPLODE!"

"The other guy keeps yelling at him, but the first guy (the head exploding guy) is just standing there with his eyes closed and his fingers pressed against his temples going: NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH!"

That's just classic comedy.

About a Ferguson

2006-08-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

I’m not a John Ferguson Jr. fan.

I feel the Leafs blundered when they made him the general manager of their hockey team – with so many possible candidates available, why choose one with absolutely zero management experience for the most important executive position in the organization? To this point in Ferguson’s tenure, I don't have many reasons to think his management has been anything but mediocre, since the team has accomplished nothing of significance since he took the wheel from Pat Quinn in 2003. And the Board members of MLSE must be thinking the same thing, since to date, they have refused to extend Ferguson's contract beyond 2006-2007. (Although, Ferguson's appointment looks like a stroke of genius compared with the decisionmaking going on in the Islanders' head office.)

But I’m willing to follow the upcoming season with an open mind. Maybe Quinn really was the main antagonist standing in the way of Ferguson’s boardroom machinations to bring a Cup to Toronto. Maybe all Ferguson needed to shape the team into the necessary image was $20 million in cap space, and the subtraction of various floaters and clubhouse cancers from the roster. And maybe Ferguson really does have a Master Plan in a vault someplace after all. So I made up my mind – I’ll continue to scrutinize Ferguson’s moves, but I won’t go into this thing holding any particular bias against the man, regardless of what I’ve questioned in the past.

Some people have different attitudes, it seems. In today’s Toronto Sun, Steve Simmons made the following remarks:

“So here's something to chew on: Was John Ferguson Jr. aware that Eric Lindros was eligible for performance bonuses this coming season and if he was, why did he tell the Lindros camp he didn't know? Either way, it doesn't look good on Junior, who either didn't know the rules or led others to believe he didn’t.”

Does Simmons really believe Ferguson is this stupid? Wait – first, for this to be true, we have to accept as truth that Ferguson actually told the “Lindros camp” (What "camp"? Lindros represented himself in all negotiations this year) he didn’t know Lindros was eligible for performance bonuses, something I haven’t seen reported anywhere else.

Secondly, we have to believe that Ferguson, a former lawyer, somehow missed the article in the new Collective Bargaining Agreement that lays out the conditions for eligibility for performance bonuses. The one applying to Lindros is found on page 189, 50.2(b)(i)(C)(2)(iii):

“Players who are “400-plus game Players” for pension purposes, and who: (i) in the last year of their most recent SPC, spent 100 days or more on the injured reserve list; and (ii) have signed a one-year SPC for the current or upcoming League Year.”

Even with Lindros' incredible injury history, he is clearly vested in the NHL player's pension plan with a minimum of 400 games played. So all Ferguson had to do to find out if Lindros qualified for performance bonuses next season was to double-check his calendar and see if Lindros spent 100 days or more on the shelf last year, which anyone with a pulse knows was probably the case.

Finally, Ferguson has already proven he has some familiarity with the above CBA provision, since he gave Jason Allison an incentive-laden contract last season with consideration for the above-stipulated conditions.

So I don’t believe for a second that Ferguson was foolish enough to lack any awareness of a well-known, easily confirmable CBA clause he used himself only last season. If he actually told Lindros he didn't know he was eligible for performance bonuses, given the above facts, then he must have hid in the bushes with his knowledge of the CBA bonus clauses. Nothing else makes any sense.

If this is true, then why would Ferguson do it?

We know that only days before Lindros signed with Dallas, it was reported that Lindros was “buoyed” by a meeting with Ferguson and Paul Maurice at the news that he would be Toronto’s second-line centre this season.

So what happened after that? Luckily, I have the exact transcript of the events that followed:

***

Paul Maurice and John Ferguson are standing in Ferguson's office, smiling and shaking hands with Eric Lindros, who is nattily dressed in an expensive suit. Lindros waves goodbye, and walks from the room.

Ferguson: (closing door behind departing Lindros) Okay! Great meeting, everybody. I think we’ll be able to sign the big guy on the cheap for next season. I love this ‘hometown discount’ thing.

(the phone rings)

Maurice: Hey Ferg – It's Mike Peca’s agent. He says he wants to play for us next season, and is willing to take a big discount to do it.

Ferguson: Geez, another one? I’m telling you Paulie, I have to beat these guys off with a stick. Peca, huh? He’s pretty good, actually. How much of a discount?

Maurice: A lot. He says he’ll sign for two-point-five.

Ferguson: Sweet, let’s do it! In your face, John Muckler! Oh, wait – what about Lindros? This means we can’t afford him now unless he takes the base contract we offered - $750,000. Well, I guess we can throw in some bonus clauses -

Maurice: Who cares! Screw the bonuses, we don’t need him. Remember when his daddy complained to the media about Erica’s wrist injury? Like it’s our fault or something his son is a china-doll. We don’t need that kind of crap. Payback, baby. And if anybody complains about letting him go, we'll just pretend we didn't know about the bonus option.

Ferguson: Yes. Burn! High-five, Paulie. C’mon, high-five, high-five.

*slap*

Maurice: Hey, the phone’s ringing again. It looks like Eric’s cell! What do we do?

Ferguson: Oh, this is awesome! Put it on speaker.

*click*

Eric Lindros: Heya John? I just wanted to express my appreciation for today’s –

Ferguson: Eric Lindros? THIS is John Ferguson! About that contract – I have a briefcase on my desk. It has $750,000 in it – and that’s all!

Maurice: Whee-hee-hee!

Lindros: What the fu – I don’t understand?

Ferguson: Paulie! Shhh! Quiet, now. Ahem. Lindros? Lindros! This is how it is, goddammit, now pay attention. Seven-fifty! No bonuses. Deal? Or NO DEAL?!

Maurice: Oh, man! BWAH HA HA HA!

Lindros: You son of a –

(Ferguson hangs up)

Ferguson: HA HA HA! Peca’s contract – two-point-five. The chance to blow off Eric Lindros? Priceless!

Maurice: Whoo, hoo, hoo! You’re the king, man. Let’s go get some tacos, I’m buying!

***

And that’s how Lindros became a Dallas Star, folks.